LOVE

So maybe some of you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the title for this week. Maybe you thought, "Oh, FINALLY, something I don't need to work on!" Most of us would say we love our husbands. Not many Christian women would openly admit to not loving their husbands because that would be WRONG (but so is lying!). If we're honest, most of us would admit that there are times when we don't FEEL love toward our husbands and times when we don't SHOW love to our husbands. Whatever the case may be, this week we're focusing on love.--how to show it and how to grow it.

First off, let me bombard you with several Scripture passages:

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Titus 2:4
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.

Ephesians 3:17
... And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love...

Ephesians 4:2
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

These little shards of Scripture may seem fragmented, but they can cut to the heart if you sit and ponder each one. Love is to be primary over all the other virtues we've been told to put on. We're to love each other DEEPLY. We're to train younger women how to love their husbands (which means we'd better learn to do it and do it well!). We are to be ROOTED and ESTABLISHED in love. Love is to be the very life source of the rest of our being. It is to be our very foundation. We are to bear with one another in love by being COMPLETELY humble and gentle and patient. We are to love AS CHRIST LOVED--tall order, but that's His command.

"But where was 1 Corinthians 13?" you say. "Didn't 95% of us have this passage read at our wedding? Is it not the truest definition, the very epitome of love? Why is it not at the top of the list?" Don't worry, here it comes. Read it very slowly, pondering each phrase. As you read it, take note of how LOVE EXPRESSES ITSELF.

And now I will show you the most excellent way.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So how does love express itself?

Patiently. With kindness. Not envying or boasting. Not pridefully or rudely. Not selfishly (that is, not looking to my OWN interests). By not being easily angered. By not holding grudges. By rejoicing in the truth. It protects and trusts and hopes and perseveres.

What else did we learn about love in this passage?

Anything we do that is not done in love is WORTHLESS. It never fails. Again, it is the greatest of all virtues.

Real love is active, not passive. It MUST be expressed. It is irrepressible. Take a minute (or more if you have it!) and list at least 6 ways you can express love to your husband.
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The little thoughtful things are what keep love burning. (Think back to when you were dating or first married...what things thrilled your heart? what things thrilled HIS heart?) Never stop dating each other. Expressing love takes PRACTICE. So even if things don't take off immediately, keep trying. Keep at it until you get really good at it. :) In the 'comments' on the last study, I mentioned a bit about how "sex begets sex", and actually "love begets love" as well. A lot of things in marriage are cyclical. You express love. That warms him up, so he expresses love. That in turn warms you up, so you express love back. With every turn you take, that love grows deeper and becomes more genuine. And with every turn you as a couple build up positive love inertia.

Some of you have perhaps read about the various "love languages". I haven't. But I've discussed it with enough people that I think I have a bit of a clue. The various languages include "time", "gifts", "touch", etc. And whatever book it is that talks about it emphasizes the importance of learning your spouse's language so you can express love in a way that he will best understand it. Likewise, the author of the study we are skimming through (although last week's lesson certainly didn't feel like "skimming" to me!) reminds us to communicate love in a way that is meaningful to your husband, that is, in a way that he understands. On the flipside, we also need to learn to RECEIVE his love language. Sometimes your husband might TRY to show you love in a way that may be meaningful to HIM but isn't necessarily the way you would have preferred. Receive it and appreciate it anyway. Be understanding. They are going through this same process we are with trying to figure out how to love the other person well for the glory of God. Sometimes love signals get crossed when we're speaking different languages. Be gracious and help him learn how to love you well. (And let him teach you how to love him well, too.)

A few housekeeping things...If you all wouldn't mind stopping down a couple posts at the Round Table, we'd all love to meet each other. (That might not make sense until you scroll down there.) And while you're there, take note that I'll soon be ordering our first book. I'll be placing that order on Monday, Sept 22. So far I know I'm ordering for myself, for Amy, and for Maria. I'm willing to order for anyone else who is local. Lastly, please throw me a giant shout-out with any questions you have about this study we have done. I'm happy to look up answers for anything you've been wondering. Next week we'll be discussing communication, and I'd like to answer all the questions then BEFORE we start the book study so things don't get too terribly tangled up. Okay, back to work...

APPLICATION: How well am I showing love to my husband? What are some things I could do to express love to my husband? What expressions are most meaningful to my husband? What expressions are most meaningful to me? (By the way, be discussing our discussions with your husband. If you don't know how he likes to be loved, ASK HIM! This is no big secret club. Share with your husband the ways in which you're wanting to be a better wife...he MIGHT actually help you!)

SHARE: Tell us at least one way you will try expressing love to your husband this week. (We might be able to get some ideas from each other.)