I've been wondering how best to "discuss" this. We've all read the same material, so I don't really need to post material. I intended just to post the questions and discuss answers in the 'comments'. Now I'm wondering if I should make each question a separate post.... Any thoughts on this? I'm definitely open to suggestions.
Some of you may have checked out the questions in the back of your book already. I hope you all stopped by pages 159 and 160 (which I missed the first time around because I was flipping from the back of my book and stopped when I saw "Chapter One"). Just in case, I'm going to post it, because I know we're unlikely to run and find our books and read it before continuing on.
(This may look daunting all strung out like this. If you don't have time to answer ALL the questions in one sitting, please come back as often as you want. I think several of us are here pretty often, so your comments won't get "lost". Maybe even just shoot to do a section each day if that's what works best. Whatever.)
STUDY AND DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
By Nicole Mahaney Whitacre
The following pages contain an opportunity to put into practice the seven virtues of a godly wife and mother. In one sense there is no more momentous or glorious effort. For by clothing ourselves with these virtues, we can display the gospel of Jesus Christ. On our own, this is impossible, but the with the help of the Holy Spirit and the encouragement of our sisters in Christ, we can make progress toward this all-important goal.
These questions were developed to assist you in leading a group of women in discussion and application of Feminine Appeal. They are also helpful for personal study. There are goals for each chapter discussion and ten questions that provide a direction for conversation. Here are some tips for leading a group discussion.
PRAY TOGETHER
Change is only possible with the assistance of the Holy Spirit; so begin and end each discussion by asking for His guidance and help.
ALWAYS ENCOURAGE
We don't want to load women up with a lot of "to-do's." Rather we want to encourage them with the knowledge that God's grace is available to help them grow.
MAKE APPLICATION YOUR AIM
Don't just have a book club. Have a book application club. Change doesn't happen in the reading or talking but in what we do afterward. Help women to set measurable goals. Encourage their progress toward their goals.
BE FLEXIBLE
Most likely you won't be able to cover every question provided for discussion. But don't fret. These questions are intended as a guide, not a list to accomplish. If a certain question leads to fruitful conversation or a chance to pray for someone in need, then go with it.
FOCUS ON THE GOSPEL
This is what Titus 2 is all about. No discussion is complete unless we remind each other of the forgiveness of sins and power to change because of Christ's life, death, and resurrection.
Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Okay, so now we're all on the same page as to how to approach this book. Not just reading it and agreeing with it and calling it good, but determining how these changes can be brought about in our lives by the power of the Spirit. And did you pick up on where she mentioned MEASURABLE GOALS? As God lays on our hearts what changes need to occur in our lives, we need to ponder exactly how those changes must occur...what specifically we are going to do in order to reach our goal of godliness.
All that being said, I'm going to make the executive decision to post the groups of questions separately (a nice compromise, don't you think?) to allow for a more coherent discussion.
GOALS OF DISCUSSION
In this opening discussion, we want to
1) encourage one another to pursue "what is good" from Titus 2:4-5;
2) consider how we can practice the biblical "mentoring mandate"; and most importantly
3) understand how these virtues bring honor to the gospel.
FUN STUFF
Carolyn shared the story of her elaborate efforts to put her first child to sleep--until her mom gave her some helpful advice. Do you have your own humorous story of a marriage, parenting, or homemaking blunder that could have been avoided if an older woman had given you some advice?
(And can you all please let me know if this question/comment format works for you?)
6 comments:
Nothing specific is coming to mind. But I am definitely thankful that a few of my babysitters were stay-at-home-moms with in-home daycares. I soaked up a lot from observing them. It goes to show that we're teaching more than we think we are. ;)
Okay, my comments! At first thought, I thought all questions on one post would work. Then we could discus the questions that meant the most to us. But if we had a separate post for each question I think more discussion would occur. Plus it would probably make more sense to any reader (me) I didn't respond to how I've implemented the changes we discussed with our husbands. I have made a more determined effort to have lunch/dinner ready when Matthew enters the door from work. I haven't written so many notes, but we've started emailing little encouraging notes each day. I've made some attempts to encourage and thank him when he does do something so wonderful..this I can work on much more. I read someone (maybe a resource Karisa shared with us) on how the man responds to praise so much. I do want to bless my husbands with my words, not tear him down.
Oh, I forgot a question. Is it okay to seek after an older woman to have as a mentor. I am afraid that who I think would be good, may not be. Or if the mentor wouldn't have the same mindset as I would think a mentor relationship would be. Any one have anything to share how you started a mentor relationship? I couldn't think of any stories to share. I do ask a lot of questions to many of my aunts, or even my mom or her friends. I definitely like black/white answers and often I get gray. Or I get different answers..potty train early/wait until they are ready, or get the little ones in a big bed before they can realize it's an adjustment/keep them in a crib as long as possible. Confusing and frustrating. I read books for my answers, which can be okay for practical reasons, for example, getting babies to sleep better. I just have to be discerning that is also Biblical. I tend to look for 1, 2, 3, steps rather than praying for wisdom on what will work for our family. I'm glad for the application book study. This is very true in my life. I know I need to be self-controlled, but to live it out is another story.
As far as starting a mentoring relationship...some are more formal than others. Some have a formal beginning in which either the mentor or the mentee (is that a word? maybe pupil is the real word) approaches the other and says, "Hey, I'd like to invest in you and share with you what I've learned," or "Hey, I really think I could learn a lot from you--will you teach me?" Other mentoring relationships occur naturally with no official beginning or agenda. And some people meet regularly on a set schedule where others play it by ear. With any mentor, you're going to have to prayerfully consider what you're learning. No human is perfect. She might be an excellent example of one virtue but really struggle with another. Don't be afraid to pursue a relationship with someone who isn't quite perfect. And also don't neglect the fact that you have something to offer as well.
There are a couple books about female mentoring within the church. The one I have on-hand is called "Spiritual Mothering", by Susan Hunt. I haven't read it (I won it at a church funtion). I think it has more to do with how to mentor, not so much the being mentored part. And there's another book called something like "Becoming a Titus 2 Woman" (or something like that, I have no idea). That one might speak more to BOTH ends of the mentoring relationship...but I don't know, because I haven't read that one either! If you're interested, I can certainly find out the name of it. And if you want to borrow the one I have, just say the word.
About how "well" I've done with the 6 commitments in loving my husband...umm, the love board is still going...I'm more AWARE of when my tone is out of line and more SORRY when it is, but I can't say I'm doing a whole lot better. I am doing a tiny better with making time for him when HE wants it. ;) I'm thinking I'd better write these commitments on my doorposts and bind them to my forehead, because the love is just not naturally flowing from me. My effort certainly needs to be more intentional.
What a fillibuster! I guess that's one disadvantage of not meeting in person. I can't read your guys' faces screaming, "Stop talking already!"
Hey Maria - Karisa asked if I could chime in on your mentoring question. I think the advice Karisa gave was good and wise counsel. You'll not find someone with whom you agree on ALL things - but find someone who seems like she is solid in her understanding of Scripture. I think it's totally appropriate to approach someone about mentoring you. If you're not certain about her, ask her over to your house or out to lunch. Go in with a few specific probing questions that will shed some light on any of your doubts or concerns. Prayerfully approach all of this, of course. I'd also recommend looking for someone who seems to excel in the areas you struggle. So if you are wanting to grow as a godly woman, seek someone who is wise on things of the Bible. If you are wanting to grow in your marriage or parenting - seek someone who seems to have a great marriage or who you admire the way she raises her kids. Again, I think it's totally appropriate to approach an older woman. Maybe not formally at first - but get to know her and then just ask if she'd like to get together with you on a regular basis. Tell her you feel like you could learn a lot from her and that you would like her counsel in your life. It doesn't have to be a formal "let's read a book together" type meeting. The relationships I have benefited most from have had no structure at all - but just time to sit and talk and let conversation flow freely.
I guess my biggest "blunder" in marriage has been expecting James to read my mind. I've just recently realized that my subtle "hints" don't even phase him, and then I get raging mad that he doesn't get it! Kirsten is actually the one that was telling me about this last year, and I wish I would have realized this a loooooooong time ago. I still don't do it well. I need to just straight out tell him what I want or what I'm thinking.
Maria, I actually approached a woman at our church and asked her if we could get-to-know each other. I was scared to death, but she took it so well. We haven't met much lately, but we've grown a strong relationship over the past year and a half. It's hard to take that step, but it was well worth it.
So can I tell you something that I really like in this chapter? It was the part about showing these virtues being the jewel of the gospel. I just loved how she worded that. Instead of trying to "impress" my husband with my godliness or shove the word down my family and friends' throats, I can work to attain these virtues, and those will point toward Christ.
I asked James which virtue he thought I should work on this study, and he said he thought they were all focused on him. He thought I should focus on God. But after reading the whole chapter, I told him how she said all the virtues point toward Christ.
Am I going beyond the scope of this segment of questions? Maybe I should hold off for the next question. You know I can talk a lot. I'll stop there.....
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