GOING DEEP
Between a one and a ten on the kind-o-meter, how would you have rated yourself before marriage and motherhood? What about now? From this chapter, what is one hindrance to kindness that you face most often, and how can you apply Scripture's solution?
If we played the "reputation game" with your family members, friends and neighbors, what do you think they would say you like to be "known" for? How has this chapter redirected your reputation quest?
Think of a recent situation where you got angry. Now read James 4:1-2. What was it that you "desired" more than you wanted to please God? Have you repented from that sinful craving?
James 4:1-2
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Dont' they come from you deesires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Are you currently experiencing weariness in "doing good" for your family? How do the promised rewards--both in this life and the life to come--provide fresh incentive to pursue your husband's and children's happiness?
3 comments:
maybe a 3-4. I find this difficult to determine. We've had a number of discipline incidents in our home this week. Therefore I tend to feel very un-kind.
I can definitely tell a change in my approach to my kids though. My love has increased along with my gentleness! Praise the Lord!
Hindrance: I do lack a desire for Lila's (my 1 yr old) happiness when she is disobedient. I am a selfish wretch! I look only to my happiness. This struck home when Mahaney used "my way" as "craving peace & quiet, convenience & ease, a clean & orderly house, appreciate & recognition" That sentence from pg 121 was written for my heart!!! Please do NOT squeeze my sponge. If I humble myself to God first then humbling myself to others will follow and with a joyful spirit. I often think, "Was I this rotten?" The truth is I was probably much worse to my mom and siblings!!! Lila is usually very nice to Grace (my 4 mo old)
Thought: I know in my heart I need to instruct Lila in the ways of the Lord; obey your mother and father. But when she is crying from discipline the thought is, I'm keeping her from being happy.
Reputation: Some would say I'm kind & plain, others: critical or a gossiper. To be honest it hasn't yet...I'm going to re-read this part of the chapter and pray about it!!
I desire everything from the previous quote from this chapter.
Yesterday I was not weary, today is another story. His mercy is renewed every day, Praise Him!!
Before marriage and motherhood, maybe a 4-5...now perhaps a 6-7. I think that of the three hindrances listed in this chapter, judging would be my downfall. I don't typically struggle too much over anger and bitterness (although bitterness a bit more than anger). But judging - this is something I've been working on for awhile now. I think I am a perceptive person, especially with those I know well, and so I tend to assume I know someone's motives, when I often don't. Scripture's solution would be to consciously choose to think the best until I know otherwise.
The "reputation game" question reads "LIKE TO be 'known' for". I think most people who know me well would say that I would LIKE TO be known for loving my family and maybe "having it all together". Some might say that I would LIKE TO be known for "being right". In reality, though, what I am ACTUALLY known for is probably something different altogether. I am not sure what I am truly known for, but I would say my reputation might include things like shy/introverted, intellectual, lazy, encouraging, snobby, kind, and probably other things, depending on who you ask.
I do think this chapter has redirected my "reputation quest" a tiny bit, but I caution myself against caring what other people think of me, because that is a serious issue that I have, and it takes almost nothing for me to be sucked back into a sinful "fear of man". If anything, the chapter redirected me to actually change my heart and my actions... reputation will (presumably) follow.
When I get angry, it's usually at my husband, and usually what I "desire" is for him to care about what's important to me and do something about it. I cannot tolerate selfishness or laziness on his part, and yet I deal with the same sins!! I am the ultimate hypocrite in this department. I do repent from this sinful craving whenever I recognize it.
Yes, I often feel weary in "doing good" and yes, promised rewards provide some fresh incentive.
I don't think my kind-o-meter reading is much different than before I became a wife/mom. I HAVE noticed, however, is that the change in my behavior toward Matt. The longer we know each other and live with each other, the more comfortable I get, and the uglier I sometimes am with him. I'm a lot less patient/kind toward him than I was when we were first dating...maybe because I'm not trying to "win" him and not afraid that I'll lose him. Shame on me. :( Unfortunately, all three hindrances that Carolyn mentioned are big ones for me. By God's grace, I think I have become somewhat less judgmental (although I still have room to grow!). Bitterness isn't a non-issue, but I think it's probably the least of the three. Anger may be my biggest. Which kind of surprises me, because I don't often seem like an angry person. But I think that I need to revisit how I define anger and the various ways it can be expressed. I neither yell nor give the silent treatment, but I GET ANGRY...sometimes about things that I really shouldn't be angry about. Carolyn's sponge analogy was super helpful for me...not just as it relates to anger, but also in how I deal with relationships within the church. Some people really BUG me...they bring out the worst in me (i.e., they SQUEEZE me). My first impulse is to avoid them to keep from sinning, but I was convicted earlier this year through a sermon of Andy's that I those are the people I need to try hardest to love because we are the body of Christ--we're to be unified, etc. Carolyn further enriched my perspective so now I understand that others don't plant that sin in me and draw it out...that sin is IN ME. I have allowed it to reside in me. I allow it, also, to come out of me when "provoked". So the issue isn't the people who bug me, but the sin in my heart. (Can you say, "tangent"?) Humility is Scripture's solution for anger (and no doubt it would help my judging tendency as well). The cross is what can truly humble me. Focusing on Christ and Who He is and what He's done should certainly short-circuit my anger.
Honestly, I think my reputation is ALL OVER THE PLACE! It depends on who you ask, how well they know me, in what contexts they see me, etc. Some may say that I'm loud and obnoxious, opinionated and pushy...others may say I'm quiet and nice. There MIGHT be a few who would say "all of the above". The thing is, I don't think anyone would be wrong. I am all those things (and many more). I'm not sure what they'd say I'd LIKE to be known for...maybe knowing everything? Because I think a lot of people get the "know it all" impression from me...not completely unjustified, but not completely true either. I would really LIKE to be known as a woman who reflects the character of Christ.
I'm most often angered when people/things don't do what I want them to do. I have a serious control issue...which I can override when I realize it's controlling me...but I don't always realize that. I was a very angry person this past Monday. I think most of it was an irritability issue (not enough sleep, quite a bit of back pain, whiny child, PMS, and a husband who wasn't clued in to any of that!). What really set me off, though, was a tiny bit of sin in my husband. I went way postal on him (therefore committing BIG sins of my own). While was "justified", my irritability and the expression of my anger were not. I could have calmly brought said sin to his attention without yelling, without sinning.
Of course, rewards are incentive! But it's hard to link current behavior with a reward that seems so far off...a reward that we barely comprehend. I do sometimes become weary in doing good, because I like for people to NOTICE and APPRECIATE (SO looking for that earthly reward).
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