GOING DEEP
Read Glenda's quotes on pages 87-88.
"Sexual defilement of a child is a monstrous sin, and the rape of a child's spirit is on equal footing. The damage from either would appear irreversible. But as Dr. David Jeremiah has said, 'Our God has the power to reverse the irreversible.' It is true, for I have tasted of His cure from both, and it fills me with a longing for Him that the happiest of childhoods could not have given."
"He showed me Calvary once more.... I saw the horror of my sin, nailing the Son of God to that miserable cross, torturing Him, mocking Him, spitting on Him. Yet He had fogiven me freely. No one had committed such atrocities against me. How could I do anything less than forgive?
"Forgiveness came. And with it came healing, complete peace and freedom--absolute freedom--to serve my God and to enjoy His love and peace now and forevermore."
How is the cross of Christ the "cure" for victims of sexual abuse as well as for individuals carrying guilt from past sexual sin? How did Glenda's story encourage you. (Mahaney reminds us that it's not appropriate to share details of past or present sexual struggles with the group as a whole. But she does encourage us, where necessary, to pursue counseling along with our husbands from our pastors and their wives.)
In what ways are you currently "making provision for the flesh" (television, movies, books, magazines, music, or situations)? What must you do to "flee" these temptations?
Do you think your husband would describe you as consistently available and eager for lovemaking? Why or why not? If not, what excuses are you tempted to give? What happens when you ARE eager and available?
What are the most common hindrances to your anticipation of lovemaking? What changes do you need to make in your lifestyle so that it becomes a priority?
6 comments:
Well, sparing the details, having been a sexual abuse survivor, I was very encouraged by Glenda's story - the cure of the cross. Whether you get closure or an apology or not, the freedom is in Christ.
This chapter brought up A LOT for me. It was excellent. It showed me that I have so many preconceived notions about sex and about a woman actually desiring it. I've always thought that I needed to act proper and have been embarrassed to ask James for what I really want. I've thought of sex as dirty from my past (which I know I'm not supposed to talk about here, but it's kind of hard to answer without explaining to some extent). James would probably say that I don't ever want to do it! hee hee. But I think this chapter means a lot for our marriage - how the Bible actually says a lot about sex and the need for it in a marriage. I feel free in a sense.
(May be TMI) Last night after reading the chapter I just let loose and told James everything I've felt and wanted and not wanted and did things freely. He later said, "What are you reading in that book of yours?" hee hee. I feel a difference already in our communication and that "in love" feeling from Chapter 2. I guess I'll stop there....
I am definitely convicted by the things I'm watching. I know for a fact that I should NOT be watching some of the stuff we watch. I think I'm gonna talk to James about it. The thing is that my flesh really wants to continue to watch these shows cuz I like them! It's hard to tell him we shouldn't watch them cuz I want to! Does that sound horrible? I need to pray about my heart, and what matters most is what God commands - not what I want!
I can't remember the other question now, but I've probably already said enough!
Oh, common hindrances to lovemaking? Well, probably the most common to all of us mothers - I'M TIRED! The other hindrance (aka excuse) I've used is that he's not wining and dining me. He's not romantic. I've put it on him a lot that he's not fulfilling my need for romance so I'm not in the mood. Well, after reading this, I'm putting it in my own court. I need to be "fantasizing" about him throughout the day. I need to make the move. Just cuz he's the spiritual leader doesn't mean he has to be the sexual leader all the time!
I sure hope this isn't making you girls uncomfortable....but you're my friends, and I'm just being honest. We're all married, and I think sex isn't talked about much in the Christian world. According to the Bible, it's actually pretty important for our relationships. So let's start doing it more (hee hee)! I'm not saying you two aren't!
Amy I agree we don't share enough about sex. Unfortunately when I was newly married I was going to school with almost all unbelievers. I learned more about sex there then I think I should have. Well, maybe not, but it wasn't in the right context and it wasn't holy. Plus then I had the thought that some of the things discussed were almost wrong because they were unbelievers and doing that stuff and I never heard Christians talking like that. Moving on..
The cross is the cure based on Scripture, 2 Cor 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." or Eph 4:20-24 "to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
I make provisions for the flesh especially in tv. This is a struggle. Matthew wants me to spend time with him watching tv, but I'm trying to change what I watch. I did share my thoughts on changing our viewing, but he doesn't have that same conviction. I think he agrees that they aren't holy, but isn't willing to let go of them. I honestly haven't prayed about it though. I try to get a book and read next to him though. Lately I'll watch a sermon online with headphones.
No, I don't think Matthew would say I am consistently eager and available. I did work on it this week though. If I shared why (which I had all typed and then deleted) may be too much detail that Mahaney wants us to avoid. I would have to say the same as Amy, too tired. I guess when I'm eager and available Matthew is a happy man :)
A hindrance to me planning and getting things ready is that Matthew's expectations would rise every time. Another hindrance is the more we have relations the more he asks for it...not a bad thing, but not every week is the same. I too fall into the trap, if he doesn't take care of me in other areas of life, then there is nothing left of me to take care of him. I need to stop taking more care of my home or kids then Matthew. I also need to stop taking care of my to-do list more than him. I need to realize that I need to be like Christ in all things in every day.
Sidenote...Amy, if you click on the little blue "show original post" (right above your comment) you can see the questions WHILE you're typing so you don't have to try to remember them. ;) OR, you can have your book open to the questions in the back. In case you wanted to know.
I make provision for the flesh all over the place! I'm a proficient rationalizer. Maybe not to satisfy sexual lust, but definitely to satisfy my appetites for entertainment or comfort. I think adjusting my priorities and acknowledging my desires for what they really are would help me to (1)identify what my temptations are and (2) flee from them.
I think Matt would say I'm consistently available, because he knows I'll never turn him down. However, he'd also be quick to say that I'm almost never eager which in his mind equates being unavailable. My excuses for not being more eager and not initiating are fatigue and pain. Legitimate on a human level, but so wrong on a spiritual level. If I was consistently available and eager, Matt would seriously be jumping up and down on the bed in excitement. He would probably volunteer to clean up after supper and send me directly to bed. :)
I do better when I plan ahead. That way I can be mentally prepared to not be focusing on what else I could/should be doing and physically prepared (so as to lessen the pain). Fantisizing about him probably wouldn't hurt. ;) And what Mahaney said about just making him a sandwich and being available for sex instead of slaving over a fancy dinner and being too tired drove home an excellent point. I'm sure Matt would rather have leftovers or a dirty house if it meant he'd be having sex. ;) He appreciates the things I do, but I think he'd appreciate sex EVEN MORE!
I know it's a HUGE sacrifice (speaking from experience)... but might I recommend being "available" during nap time on the weekends... it's a great time to utilize for purposeful "activity" and to serve your hubby.
DON'T FREAK OUT... I didn't realize Vince was signed in on this computer... so the last comment was from ME... ME, KIRSTEN... NOT VINCE!!!!!!! I promise...
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